When The Helicarriers Went Down
by stonesonearth
Summary: When Steve was in the hospital Maria went to visit him and told him something that she wouldn't have the courage to say when she was with him. [Captain Hill]


**I like Maria Hill because she is a pretty strong and capable character (given the fact that she became deputy director of SHIELD at such a young age) but unfortunately she didn't have much scenes in the avengers. In CAWS she was given a little more scenes but that still doesn't satisfy me because I'm a fan of Cobie Smulders and I like strong female characters because I'm a modern day feminist.**

**Basically this story is set to be in CAWS, after Maria hit the button to fire the helicarriers and before Steve woke up in the hospital. **

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She would never forget the moment he asked her to fire.

"Fire now."

"But Steve…"

She knew she was going to save millions of people by pressing that button, but saving millions of lives won't mean a thing to her if he wasn't one of those she had saved.

"Do it, do it now!"

And she did.

She looked up the sky and saw the three helicarriers crashing into each other. She stared at one of them. The one that he was in.

She bit her lips, trying to fight back the tears in her eyes.

Few days later she got a call from Sam Wilson, telling her that they had found him. And that he was alive.

She was never teary, but for the second time she allowed herself to break down, after hanging up the phone.

On contrary to common belief she was just a human and she had a heart, a real heart. Made of flesh and blood. Not ice. Not steel.

Being alone for so many years made her almost forgot how did it feel to have someone to care about her. She had forgotten how was it like to have someone love her. She always believed that concealing her feelings and emotions was the best way to avoid attachments, something that her enemies would use against her.

But then he came into her life. He proved to everyone else, by his smiles, his gentle gazes, and his warm hands that she, Maria Hill, had emotions and feelings.

So strong, so real.

He made her feel like she was young again, that was when she still believed in love.

Much to her relief his condition was stable. When the doctor left the ward she touched his face gently. There were wounds on his face. His lips were cracked, but he still looked peaceful and strong.

She figured his body had started to heal on its own the moment he fell into the waters, thanks to the super-soldier serum running in his veins.

But he had been in coma for a few days.

_It's the fifth day,_ she calculated in heart. _Would the serum help this time?_

A knock on the door made her quickly removed her hand from his face and turned. It was Sam Wilson. Her stare made him leave immediately.

Everyone was so scared of her, even Nick Fury admitted that he sometimes would be intimidated by her, just sometimes.

_Everyone but him_, she thought and that thought set a smile on her face.

She took his hand gently, as if she might hurt him, then she placed his hand on her abdomen.

"Feel your child, Steve." She whispered in his ear.

She never wanted anyone to know that she was carrying his child. In fact she didn't even want to tell him that he fathered a child when she hit that button. She didn't want him to die with regrets that he would never know his child.

She put his hand back.

"I… I love you." She finally said the three words. She knew that he couldn't hear it but she knew she wouldn't have the courage to tell him if he was awake.

When she thought she had lost him forever, she realised her love for him was real. Not spur of the moment after a few cans of beer. Not some ridiculous attachments developed after that night.

After so many heartbreaks and heartaches in her life, she now had learnt not to reveal her feelings to anyone. And relationships, she believed, would never work. Not for her.

_You're such a coward_. A voice in her head was saying_. Steve is not like your jackass father. He loves you, and you obviously feel that way too._

"No." She shook her head, trying to get that voice to go away.

Suddenly her phone rang. She jumped slightly before checking it. It was a reminder alert to remind her about her meeting with Pepper later.

She hesitated, and then left a kiss on his cheek.

It had been almost three months since they shared a kiss in her apartment. She wanted to get that memory out of her head but no matter how hard she tried, she could always see his smiling face whenever she closed her eyes.

She couldn't picture herself to be with someone so great, so kind, so perfect and so empathetic. Someone like him.

She deserved nothing like this.

She stood up and looked at him one last time. His blond hair, his brow, his nose, his lips. She memorised every single thing about him by heart. She could even recite his speech addressed to all SHIELD agents word by word. She loved him, but she knew she couldn't be with him. He deserved so much better than being stuck with a person like her.

She saw him moved. He was about to wake up anytime now.

"Thank God." She closed her eyes, let go of a sigh of relief.

But she won't wait for him to wake up, and even after he woke up she won't be visiting him again.

She had to let go of him now.

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**I think I might be writing a few more stories about how they started and how they gonna deal with their relationships afterwards because I really like them. P****lease review. **


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